Cassandra and I Have Our First Date!

Sitting in an over-stuffed chair at The Tattered Cover in Denver this past summer, a hot pink cover adorned with a voluptuous pen and ink Greek goddess submersed in hothouse blooms and practically flashing psychedelic bling bling, shouted, "Hey, buy me!"  

A friend had already clued me into its existence, so it was on my mental radar, however I was not expecting such a bold and dare I say, brash introduction.  Breathing in the sweet old book smell that perfumes The Tattered Cover bookstore, I repositioned myself in a comfy chair and started reading.    

What a provocative title to go with the ravishing artwork: Cassandra Speaks: When Women are the Story Tellers, the Human Story Changes, written by Elizabeth Lesser, a co-founder of the Omega Institute, located in Rhinebeck, New York.  I had never actually heard of her before, so just in case you haven't either, I linked her website to her name!  She's interesting.

I also read a few reviews on Goodreads.com and the reviews surprised me.  On the one hand some dismissed it as a, "Rehash of all the feminist planks with very little of the myth basis to support Elizabeth Lesser's argument....there are better feminist books to read."  Another found it, "Too self-helpy," (whatever that means).  But many cited it as, "One of the most thought-provoking books I've ever read."  What a divide.  I wondered which side I would fall on.

Before I dive in to my review, though, I should share some thoughts I mulled over whilst spending time with Cassandra, as a way of providing a bit of context.

I am not really a feminist.  

That word makes me feel uncomfortable.  It also makes me feel ungrateful.   And sort of Laodicean on the fence with a big toe in both camps.  On the plus side, I did show up for the rallies - Pro Choice, The Million Mom March (where I met Hilary Clinton who coo'ed over my three-year old daughter in a very pleasing manner), and the Women's March on January 21, 2017 - to do "my bit for womenkind now that we've been put back into the dark ages."  I  kept my own name after marriage, and insisted on having my own never balanced, sometimes bouncing bank accounts, but I also tried to navigate a conciliatory course that was neither too strident, nor too silent.   I found myself described on Cassandra's pages right down to the whole commitment phobia about joining things.  Turns out, I am a humanist. I don't want to silence one voice for the sake of the other.  I don't want this to be an either/or proposition.  I want humankind to figure out a way to stop wasting 51% of it's talent pool.  I want everyone at the table, everyone joining together to solve problems using the most promising ideas, what ever gender that happens to lie within.  Call me crazy, but I want to try peace and reconciliation instead of war and terrorism.

I keep having this Stream of Consciousness thing happen as I turn the pages...

Several times the Anita Hill-Clarance Thomas hearings came to mind.  I remember Hill's bright blue suit,  conservative but not quite the navy blue pinstripe that Dress for Success recommended.  Her quiet, calm demeanor as she faced the Old Boys' Club.  Her intelligence and clarity.   I couldn't imagine the self-control she exercised to keep her cool.  She couldn't show any emotion otherwise she'd be written off as another hysterical woman who shouldn't be believed - a modern day Cassandra.  I remembered Senators Orrin Hatch and Alan Simpson and committee chair, Senator Joe Biden, aggressively questioning and mansplaining Ms. Hill's story.  I had the impression that they were in tacit agreement that, "She's probably telling the truth, but we can't let this uppity black woman derail Thomas," and that they allowed Thomas to hide behind his "right to privacy" schpiel even though the alleged sexual harassment took place at the workplace between two public servants (that's my opinion by the way).   It was a farce, giving Hill her moment while the men winked at each other.  I was completely unsurprised by the result and Thomas's subsequent installment on the Supreme Court.  At the time, I saw it as a failure of the Feminist movement.  Clearly we had gained nothing.  But as I grew up and had my own experiences with having to keep my cool, accept or walk away from patronizing men and fend off a couple of unwanted work-place advances while aiming to keep my job, I've changed my mind.  I think the Hill-Thomas hearings moved the issue of work place relationships and sexual politics into the public discourse, and woke up women like me to the truth that we'll never get an equal seat at the table if we keep playing by the men's rules.  That's why Hill was not heard.  She was playing by the men's rules.

According to Lesser, this patriarchal domination has been going on since the beginning of time.  At least since Eve plucked that apple off the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  She was the first to experience mansplaining.   Another myth from another time is the plight of Cassandra who was fated to give her warnings to an un-listening and disbelieving world.  She was cast off as another hysterical woman until it was too late. 

Over time, we've all learned our places.  Men define the rules for every corner of our experience - politics, religion, ownership of our own bodies, our minds, our opportunities and other social niceties.  Woman are compliant bit players in their own lives. That little nagging voice inside reminds us: a) you don't have the God-given right to power; b)you wouldn't know how to use power properly if you did; c) no one is going to believe you anyway and you would be shamed and gaslighted, (not just by men but by other women too); c) your voice is not part of the narrative  - look at Eve and Cassandra and Pandora if you don't believe me; d) you don't have the language to articulate this huge communication disconnect between men and women, a place where, "No means yes, yes means yes and silence means yes" so best to keep quiet and stay in your corner.

We defend ourselves within and rules defined by men.  It's too much of an uphill battle.  We have been assigned to fight the fight using male battle language to argue our truth.  

It's time for a new language.

And that's what this book is about: to find a new, inclusive language to speak a universal truth.  Perhaps that's why a feminist finds it a rehash.  It's not written in the usual way.  There's very little anger.  There's no fuel for argument. It's softer and more recognizably feminine.  Just look at that cover.  That's the clue that something else is going on between the covers.  It's not soft baby pink, Babes.  No!  It's shocking, screaming, in your face, hot vibrant, beautiful and energetic.  And seductive.  It says, Notice Me!  Those white banners really hit you in the face  - right?  And then look at the words.  We are changing the voice of the story teller.  We are changing the language of engagement.  We are post-modern people where gender roles can be equalized.  We are humankind.  

I found Lesser's argument compelling.  It's acted upon me and helped me to realign my own thinking about myself, my place in the world and how to use my voice to be heard.  Maybe it's a softer side of feminism, and therefore not feminism but I read it as a call to be human, all sides of the human equation.  Not just male.  Not just female.  But a human being with both male and female assigned traits and characteristics that re-creates wholeness, is the inclusive way.  To recognize each human for the gifts and strengths that each human uniquely owns, releases you into a gender-free engagement where you can just BE.  

So no.  This is not a book for feminists.  Lesser recognizes her own unique power, strength, femininity and masculinity.  An inner and outer voice that speaks as one.  A humanist after all that doesn't call upon me to be either/or but to dive into the divide and pull the extremes together.  It's a book that has changed my perspective and has given me language to redefine myself as a person.  It's changed the rules of engagement.  And makes space for women and men.